Every purchase made through our affiliate links earns us a pro-rated commission without any additional cost to you. Here are more details about our affiliate disclosure.
Reimagining Solitude: A Space for Creativity and Calm
-By Dr Shafali Gupta
A stage does come in one’s life when one feels totally isolated from the mainstream. This feeling hovers over him, woefully painful, of life passing him by and leaving him stranded at a crossroads, not knowing which way to go.
This traumatic feeling is not peculiar to any particular segment of society but is more acutely felt by the low-middle class and middle class.
While the poor seldom get any relief from their daily grind of bread and butter till the very end of their lives, the rich have their plates full of varied activities of fun and frolic.
With reasonable financial security, the middle class is confronted with this phenomenon after they have gotten over their active working life.
This feeling of being left in the wilderness is accentuated by many factors, e.g., progeny having ventured out in search of greener pastures, fragmentation of the joint-family system leading to a nuclear family syndrome, the decline in the overall value system, and our undue haste in following the footsteps of the West without analysing its ill effects.

With mental faculties on the wane, keeping pace with fast-changing technology becomes tricky, if not impossible, and this can cause frustration.
The fallout of all this is too obvious to be delved into. Such loneliness turns into an infinite wait for death and can be devastatingly depressing. Hypertension, depression, and psychological problems are the natural outcome of such a situation.
Some say that it aggravates the onset of Alzheimer’s disease and is reckoned to be one of the contributory factors. A substantial number of people delude themselves into believing that it is not so.
I ran into an elderly acquaintance who is in their late 70s and enquired if the time does not hang heavy on him. Deeply pensive, he shrugged and stated after a pause that he keeps watching TV programmes.
What a chimeric thought: I wonder if it is so subtle a way of camouflaging one’s inertia and giving it a semblance of respectable activity. The intensity of loneliness may vary.
The engulfing feeling wherein you are convinced that ho one understands you, nobody likes you and no one even wants to know you is a frightening dimension of this state.
Having imbibed that such a problem does exist with people who are past their prime, let us look at the possible solutions.
In one’s heyday, there is an absolute necessity to cultivate a few hobbies that do not demand high physical fitness, e.g., bridge/paper (cards game), table tennis, reading, walking long distances, golf, painting, writing, etc.
These interests would prove very handy when one calls it a day and in his twilight years, I promise, passing time won’t ever be an agony, nor would there be a dull moment. If compulsions of job prevented you from so doing.
It is never too late to pick up any of these healthy pastimes. A corollary to this is that there may be certain interests that one had intensely desired to delve into but never had the time.
Retirement is an opportunity to indulge in it. God has endowed each one of us with something special which has been lying dormant all these years. Human capacity is infinite.
Honest introspection is required to identify our strengths, capitalise on them, and convert them into whole-hearted occupation post-retirement.
I am certain that there won’t be anything more satisfying than this. Maybe, in the process, you leave behind a legacy your future generations may be proud of.
The problem with many people is that they are introvert, suffer from low-esteem and lack of confidence. Negativity is not only in their thoughts but also in day to day mundane activities of life.
They are seldom sure that anyone will accept them. A deeply conscious effort is required to overcome this, and the theory of auto-suggestion that I am as good as the fellow I am talking to or maybe even better would do the trick.
One needs to emerge from his cocoon and fully display his personality and all that he stands for.
No complex or inhibitions should stand in his way. It can be said with certainty that more often than not, you will come up trumps in human relations.
The moment one feels depressed and lonely, the best thing is to change the posture / location / activity. If nothing else, one can pick up a family album and start browsing it. The reminiscences of your days gone by will enthrall you, and the happy memories will overpower your unhappy state of mind.
There are innumerable activities one can instantly indulge in, e.g., picking up brassware and starting to polish it, watering plants, cleaning paintings, etc. The point is that a particular moment of gloom must pass without being a torture for you.
Reach out to as many people as one possibly can. While sitting on a bench in a park, if you notice someone emitting friendly vibes and his body language is congenial, think quickly and find out something that you can appreciate in him, and please do so with sincerity.
Believe it, he will eat out of your hands if only you can sustain the conversation that delights him. If you make him happy, won’t that happiness rub on you and give you as much joy? Just try it once, and you won’t ever regret it.
Life is a queer mixture of joys & griefs. Well ‘joy’ needs no elaboration and must be savoured to the hilt, but the problem is with the ‘grief’. And how so ever hard one may try, one cannot ward it off altogether.
If, God forbid, some tragedy strikes you, the best way is to get over this soonest possible. That is the only prudent way of tackling it. It is futile to keep crying over it for any time.
Agreed that some losses are difficult to bear, but then, is there any alternative? The famous writer Dale Carnegie states in his book ‘How to stop worrying and start living’ that ‘this is so and it cannot be otherwise’.
If this realization dawns as soon as possible, it will save a person from prolonged, agonizing moments.
Those who are computer-savvy can go in for a chat with people on the internet. Who knows, you may run into a fellow who can turn out to be a good friend. Some friendship clubs also operate in big cities.
It is worth giving these try. A word of caution – one needs to be discreet and careful while cultivating absolute strangers.
If life has treated you with all the kindness and you have lived it to your entire satisfaction, you may, perhaps, like to give back to society at least a part of that happiness that it gave you so generously.
If so, it is time for you to factor it into your retirement plans and work on it no sooner you hang your boots. There are a large number of NGOs in big cities who grapple with societal ills.

A little effort is needed to inquire about these, and you may join hands with such an organization. You won’t know if you have any time left to pity yourself.
The pursuit of money for the sake of money may not be a wholesome idea. Nevertheless, there may be people who need it even after retirement for whatever reasons.
I commend that the vacation chosen be such as to give you pecuniary benefits but with happiness – operative word being happiness. Conversely, some people may have all the money but make sulking as their prime pass time.
Granted that money can’t buy everything, but it can buy a lot. Go all out to buy your happiness.
You would need to choose between ‘live rich and die poor’ or ‘live poor and die rich’. I would any day choose the former. The choice is yours.
If you believe in tenets of Hindu religion and have faith in Ashram system, then start preparing for Van Prastha Ashram on retirement and steadily slip into Sanyas Ashram thereafter.
This would relieve you of worldly anxieties. For added comfort, switch over to Yoga, Pranayam and religious discourses (Satsang).
Learn to adapt yourself to the situation at hand and be part of the proceedings. Instead of being a recluse, belonging to the people around you pays handsome dividends.
Not only you endear yourself to them, you banish all unpleasant thoughts, atleast, for the time being. Remember, many would like to be with you if you have a cheerful visage but would desert you if you go in your shell with a melancholy look and martyr’s stance.
For example, if you are with your grandchildren, come down to their level, share their little joys, and play pranks that they savor. Let the child in you come to the fore.
Some people, if not all, when they step in their 60s/70s, are so obsessed with the fear of death that they relegate every other thought to the sidelines.
A reference to death often appears to be an essential part of their conversation. Its imminence threatens their peace and accentuates manifold their loneliness.
How sad that they fail to accept its inevitability with an absolute sense of resignation, nay, cheer. No sermons intended, but imagine anything positive coming out of such depressing thoughts: Please mull over it and act in a prudent & wise manner to ward off blues on this score.
And, finally, before I wind up, a word of caution to those sentimental souls (or fools, if I dare say) who can not bear the truth of their children (grown-up adults now: 🙂 settling down in remote areas.
I have run into such ‘sobs’ who are determined to bring misery upon themselves for no rhyme or reason. Each one of us has come to Mother Earth with a destiny. Let them be their own masters and just pray for their well-being.
Solitude is not simply a curse. It affords one an opportunity to introspect honestly and refine and fine-tune one’s course of life towards greater fulfillment.
Renowned Hindi writer Kaleshawar says, “Who says I am alone … with me always is my loneliness – when I am awake or asleep, it is my constant companion”. “Oh! Solitude, where are thy charms that sages have seen in thy face?” so said a poet.
No such write-up can possibly offer all the remedies for a lonely heart, but an attempt has been made to shortlist a few measures that may go a long way in alleviating one’s suffering.
One would need to evolve and design his own frame-work to conquer this diminishing and debilitating feeling of solitude.
Life is not worth wasting in brooding over trivia and suffering in silence. So, let us plan to live life king-size at full throttle with all its valves cleaned, open, and fully operational. Amen
About The Author
Dr Shafali Gupta, a globally recognized multi-award winner and prestigious AWWA awardee, is a multifaceted personality and a highly educated lady, having done M.A, B. ED, & Ph.D. She has been on the RNTalks jury since 2020. She is a proud educationist, global public speaker, founder member of Mayurpankh, student counselor in Y. L. B., relationship counselor in E to H, Mentor in Positive Thoughts, Jury of Indian Iconic Poet, Freelancer in The Indian Observer, Anchor of Inspirational educationist in Radio Dwarka, Resource person in Delhi University and the list is endless.
She firmly believes that today’s youth is the future of any country. Accordingly, she has dedicated herself to the upliftment of society and to encouraging youth to think positively and contribute to nation-building. She has been very actively participating in such webinars for schools and colleges and on various platforms at the national and International levels.
You Might Like To Read Other Articles on Mental Health
- What is Zohnerism Parody | How Not To Be a Victim Of Zohnerism Parody
- Anxiety Causes and Symptoms: What You Need to Know
- Kids and Teens with Anxiety: Helpful Tips for Children and Adolescents
- 5 Best Anxiety Pen: The Stress-Free Gift Guide
- Know The Difference Between Panic Attacks And Panic Disorder
- How To Deal With Panic Attacks
- Nocturnal Panic Attacks: Manifestation Causes And Remedy Of Nocturnal Panic Attacks
- Having Trouble Enjoying Anything Anymore? You Can Break Through Anhedonia
- How to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself | Mental Health Matters
- Anxiety Disorders – Symptoms, Causes and Prevention
- Anxiety: When Is Anxiety Normal?
- What Is Psychological Safety? What Is The Benefit?
- 7 Reasons Why Being Lazy Is Not Always A Bad Thing
- Exam Anxiety: Help Your Child Before It Is Too Late
- 10 Signs That Your Parenting Style Is Getting Toxic
- CBSE Class 12 English Board Exam: 10 Simple Tips To Score Good Marks
- 10 Major Red Flags in Relationships to Watch Out For