10 Signs That Your Parenting Style Is Getting Toxic

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Like it or not, at some point, your parenting style may become toxic. Parenting is one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences in life.

It can be both thrilling and overwhelming to bring a new life into the world, and with it comes a whole host of responsibilities.

From providing love and support to ensuring their child’s basic needs are met, parents must navigate a variety of obstacles along the way.

Whether it’s figuring out how to balance work and family life, managing discipline, or dealing with unexpected situations that arise, parenting requires patience, flexibility, and an unwavering commitment to doing what’s best for their child.

Despite its challenges, parenting can also be incredibly fulfilling as parents watch their child develop into an independent and unique individual.

10 Signs That Your Parenting Style Is Getting Toxic

Do you parent out of fear?
Do you find yourself getting angry more often than not?
Do you find yourself comparing your child to other kids?
Do you think that a child that is spared a rod will become indisciplined?

When any of these questions apply to you, it’s time to retrospect, take a step back and re-evaluate your parenting style. Here are 10 signs that your parenting style might be getting toxic. 

You’re Always Yelling At Your Kids And Never Listening To Them

You're Always Yelling At Your Kids And Never Listening To Them
You’re Always Yelling At Your Kids And Never Listening To Them

It is natural for parents to raise their voices when disciplining their children. Still, it is essential to remember that responsible parenting should involve both reprimanding and actively listening to your children.

When raising a voice, it can be helpful for the parent to remember why they are educating the child in a certain way.

Rather than yelling out of frustration, consider having an open dialogue about expectations and limits with your family.

A physical presence such as eye contact and body language is essential to ensure healthy communication between the parent and child.

Through robust conversation, the parent can foster meaningful discussions with the child while helping them understand important values related to effective decision-making in life.

You’re Constantly Comparing Your Children To Others

You're Constantly Comparing Your Children To Others
You’re Constantly Comparing Your Children To Others

Parents always strive to provide the best for their children, so it’s natural to compare them to their peers.

In spite of this, it is important to keep in mind that each child has unique strengths and weaknesses.

While comparing your children to others may give you insight into how they measure up on certain skills, socializing with other families or looking at how your child stacks up against others should not be a main source of validation.

Instead, focus on encouraging your children to develop their talents and abilities and nourish the positive traits they are proud of.

You’re Always Putting Your Kids Down

You're Always Putting Your Kids Down
You’re Always Putting Your Kids Down

Putting your kids down (especially in front of others) can damage their self-esteem and relationships with you.

They need to feel secure that they are loved, accepted and supported by their parents, who are the most important people in their lives.

Consequently, we must talk to our children with respect, encouragement and understanding rather than condemnation or criticism.

Positive words of affirmation are incredibly important for our children’s development, as research has shown us time and again.

Additionally, it pays dividends to provide reasonable guidance as opposed to negative criticism because, ultimately, by supporting our children in a kind way, we nurture them to become resilient, independent adults when the time comes for them to start leading their own lives.

You Don’t Spend Any Quality Time With Your Kids

You Don't Spend Any Quality Time With Your Kids
You Don’t Spend Any Quality Time With Your Kids

Finding time for quality interactions with your kids can be challenging, especially when parenting is added to the increasingly busy schedules that many of us juggle today.

But prioritizing such meaningful moments is essential in order to ensure a strong connection with your kids.

The time spent can be as simple as reading stories to them before bed or playing hide-and-seek.

And these moments are invaluable in helping foster an environment of trust, understanding, and open communication within the family.

It’s also an excellent opportunity to gain insight into your kids’ lives, not just their day-to-day activities but also what’s important to them.

Whatever you decide to do for quality time, remain present and focus on giving your children the care and attention they need.

You Use Physical Punishment As A Way To Discipline Your Children

You Use Physical Punishment As A Way To Discipline Your Children
You Use Physical Punishment As A Way To Discipline Your Children

Every parent has their own way of disciplining children; for some, physical punishment can be a useful tool to help them learn the consequences of their actions effectively.

With physical punishment, it’s important to use it responsibly and never take it too far–instead, focus on teaching the child why their behavior is not acceptable or safe.

It’s also essential to be consistent with disciplinary action. Never try to tell them off or threaten them with something you can never do. Keep it simple. Instead, like round them for a day, with no tv, games, the story at night etc.

If a child sees one behavior going unpunished while another receives reprimand, then both lose respect for authority.

Physical punishment should only be used sparingly and carefully chosen as an appropriate form of discipline to effectively teach a lesson and ultimately guide the child into making better decisions in the future.

You Always Blame Your Kids For Everything That Goes Wrong In The Family

You Always Blame Your Kids For Everything That Goes Wrong In The Family
You Always Blame Your Kids For Everything That Goes Wrong In The Family

It is easy to blame your children for all the problems that might arise in a family; however, it is important to examine our own behavior and to take responsibility for our role in any difficult situation.

By taking ownership of the part we have played, we can make positive changes in our home instead of putting all of the burdens onto our children.

If you want them to learn to apologise for rude behavior then start by setting an example by apologising if you have been in the wrong.

It’s okay to tell them that you were scared for their safety and that you acted out of fear. Let them know that you love them.

This allows us to strengthen our relationships with them, as they will feel heard and respected instead of criticized or shamed.

After all, parenting is an ongoing learning experience—for both parents and children.

Guilting Them For Not Obeying

Guilting Them For Not Obeying
Guilting Them For Not Obeying

Guilting your children for not obeying can be a damaging form of discipline.

It is imperative to realize that guilt should never be used as a tool to control or manipulate our kids into behaving the way we want them to, as it undermines their sense of self-worth and autonomy.

Guilting also tends to lead to feelings of anger, resentment, and bitterness which can have long-term implications on the relationship between parent and child.

Instead of relying on guilt trips, it’s more effective (and healthier) for parents to use positive reinforcement when disciplining their children—by providing rewards for good behavior or ensuring they understand why certain behaviors are unacceptable.

Doing this will help create an environment where everyone feels respected and appreciated instead of feeling guilty about not meeting expectations.

Withholding Love As Punishment

Withholding Love As Punishment
Withholding Love As Punishment

Nothing can be worse than this. You are indirectly teaching them that love is conditional.

Withholding love as a form of punishment is never an appropriate or effective way to discipline children.

It can have damaging effects on the child’s mental and emotional development, as it sends the message that their parent does not care about them or value their presence in the family.

This may lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, which may manifest itself in various behavioral issues later on in life.

Additionally, withholding love confuses children who are already struggling with understanding how they should act since they will be unsure if they are being punished for something specific or just generally disliked by their parents.

Ultimately, expressing love towards your kids is much more beneficial than punishing them through its absence.

Controlling Their Choices

Controlling Their Choices
Controlling Their Choices

As parents, it is in our nature to seek to control our children’s choices, but it can be damaging in the long run.

When a parent tries to dictate all of their child’s decisions, they are not allowing them the opportunity to develop important problem-solving and decision-making skills that will benefit them in adulthood.

By controlling too much, parents may also create resentment or anger in their children, which could lead to rebellious behavior.

It is far better for a parent to guide rather than control by providing support and resources so that the child can make informed decisions on their own.

This allows them to gain confidence and independence while still being able to rely on parental guidance when needed.

Lack Of Boundaries

Lack Of Boundaries
Lack Of Boundaries

Lack of boundaries is one of the most damaging bad habits that parents can have when it comes to raising their children.

Without clear limits and expectations, kids may feel lost and confused as they try to navigate their behavior independently without guidance or direction from their parents.

Not only does this lead to misbehavior, but it also prevents them from developing important life skills such as self-discipline, problem-solving, and decision-making.

As a result, lack of boundaries can cause long-term problems for both parent and child if not addressed promptly.

Parents must establish consistent rules with reasonable consequences so that children are able to understand what is expected of them while still feeling supported by their parents’ love and trust.

This will help create an atmosphere where everyone feels respected and valued while ultimately guiding the child into making better decisions in the future.

I shall conclude with Khalil Gibran’s poem… On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said
“Speak to us of children”
Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself
They come through you but not from you
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you
You may give them your love but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams
You may strive to be like them
But seek not to make them like you
For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday
You are the bows from which your children
As living arrows are sent forth
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite
And he bends you with his might
That his arrows may go swift and far
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness
For even as he loves the arrow that flies
So he loves also the bow that is stable

Ensure that you are fully aware of what you say and do around your children, because they are always watching and listening.

How you speak to them will greatly impact their self-esteem and the kind of adults they become.

If you’re not mindful, you could end up damaging your relationship with your children and causing them lifelong pain.

Become more conscious of your words and actions, and watch as your relationship with your kids transforms for the better.

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  1. Parenting is always a dicey balancing act. One important thing to remember is to put yourself in your child’s shoes and think back to when you yourself were a child. Your post is definitely a wake-up call to all parents to review their parenting style and look out for these signs.

  2. Such an interesting and informative blog post! I’m sure a lot of parents would appreciate reading this. It’s an eye-opener, especially for those parents whose parenting style is the same as what’s been in the old days when children aren’t given much voice.

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback. It is imp for parents to unlearn and re-learn with the growing demands of society.

  3. Parenting us definitely a tough job and these days with parents busy lifestyle, they forget to differentiate between being a good parents and strict parents. Above points I have seen in so many modern couples these days. Thats why the younger generation has distrusting mindset.

  4. I have no experience in parenting but it must be difficult
    If done correctly it is a heroic task
    Your article will definitely help parents everywhere
    Thank you for sharing this

  5. This is indeed informative and must talk about the topic. We as parents should understand and make a continuous effort to make a healthy relationship with children, Thanks for sharing this blog.

  6. At one point the society used to condone toxic parenting as if parents have some rights on children. It is scary how we were ignorant about it. I took have done some of the mistakes with my first born and I thought I was right. But later I changed. I am sure your post will change many mindsets

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